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Body language and gestures that Vanessa Van Edwards suggests should be stopped or used cautiously:
- Too Much Nodding (Bobbleheading):
- Reason to Stop: Over-nodding (bobbleheading) can make you appear too eager or less competent, signaling too much warmth without the balance of competence. It’s better to use a controlled, slow triple nod to encourage longer speaking times from others.
- Accidental Question Inflection:
- Reason to Stop: Using an upward inflection at the end of statements can signal uncertainty or lack of confidence, making your statements sound like questions. This can lead others to doubt what you’re saying, as it subconsciously cues them to scrutinize rather than accept your information.
- Evil Fingers / Drumming Fingers:
- Reason to Stop: Drumming fingers, especially in the “steeple” gesture if done aggressively, can come off as villainous or condescending, like Mr. Burns from “The Simpsons.” Instead, use the steeple gesture calmly to convey competence without the negative connotations.
- Too Much Leaning:
- Reason to Stop: Leaning too far forward can be perceived as a bow or submission, which might make you seem less equal or confident. Use leaning sparingly as a highlight for emphasis, not as a constant posture.
- Vocal Fry:
- Reason to Stop: Vocal fry, where the voice sounds like a frying pan, often correlates with lower confidence and less breath support, making communication less effective. Speaking louder can help eliminate this habit.
- Fake Smiling:
- Reason to Stop: Faking a smile, especially in profile pictures or during interactions, doesn’t convey authentic happiness. Authentic smiles engage the muscles around the eyes, enhancing perceived warmth and sincerity. If you can’t smile authentically, it’s better not to smile at all than to fake it.
- Blocking or Closed Body Language:
- Reason to Stop: Having something in front of your torso, like crossing arms or holding objects, can signal unavailability or disinterest. To appear more approachable, keep your body language open.
- Asymmetric or Too Fast Head Nods:
- Reason to Stop: Fast or asymmetric head nods can signal impatience or disagreement. A slow, symmetrical triple nod is advised for showing engagement without impatience.
- Disgust Micro-Expressions:
- Reason to Be Aware: While not something to “stop” per se, being aware of showing disgust when lying or discussing things you don’t like can give away your true feelings. This is more about self-awareness to manage how you’re perceived.
These points are drawn from the context of making effective communication, enhancing charisma, and ensuring that your body language aligns with your intended message for warmth, competence, or both.