Fathers play a profound role in their children’s development, acting as guides, protectors, and role models. Yet, one of the most significant aspects of fatherhood is the establishment of a child’s identity. From early childhood through adulthood, a father’s words, actions, and approval contribute to shaping the self-concept and emotional stability of their children. Numerous psychological studies and theories reinforce this idea: a child who knows who they are and believes they have their father’s approval is far more likely to flourish. The question of identity is not just about knowing one’s name or lineage, but about understanding one’s value and purpose in life.
However, the increasing absence of fathers in homes across America has brought attention to the significant impact this has on children’s development and the broader societal implications. Larry Elder, addressing this issue in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, said, “The number one domestic problem in America by far is the epidemic of fatherlessness. Forty percent of all American kids now come into the world without a father in the home, married to the mother. In 1965, it was 25% of Black kids. Now it’s 70%. Twenty-five percent of white kids now come into the world without a father in the home, married to the mother.”
Elder’s words highlight a growing crisis that is not only personal but national in scope, deeply tied to identity formation, economic outcomes, and future opportunities for children growing up without a father figure.
The Turning of Hearts: A Stabilizing Force for Families and Societies
God Himself emphasizes the significance of fathers turning their hearts to their children, and children turning their hearts to their fathers, as a stabilizing factor for families, communities, and even nations. The connection between fathers and children is so critical that, without it, society is threatened with destruction. The prophet Malachi delivers this urgent message from God:
“Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the earth with a curse.” (Malachi 4:5-6)
Larry Elder elaborates on how the lack of father involvement is connected to societal challenges, explaining, “The stats are clear: if you’re raised without a father, you’re five times more likely to be poor and commit crime, nine times more likely to drop out of school, and twenty times more likely to end up in jail.” This sobering data aligns with the spiritual and practical consequences outlined in Malachi’s prophecy, warning of societal instability when the bonds between fathers and children are broken.
The Father as the Foundation of Identity
From the moment a child is born, they begin forming their sense of self. While both parents are essential in a child’s life, studies suggest that fathers often play a distinct role in helping children establish a strong sense of identity. A father’s voice is, in many ways, a grounding force. When a father affirms his child, he tells them who they are, who they can become, and that they have intrinsic value.
Research by Paul Amato and Vicky Phares has shown that children who have strong relationships with their fathers often experience higher levels of self-esteem, emotional stability, and life satisfaction. These children grow up understanding their worth because their father’s approval reinforces the belief that they are capable and valuable. Fathers help their children differentiate between right and wrong, guide them in decision-making, and provide the encouragement needed to step confidently into adulthood. It is through this consistent affirmation that a child learns who they are and where they belong in the world.
Yet, as Elder pointed out, the erosion of fatherhood in many communities can be traced to broader social policies that have discouraged the traditional family structure. He explained, “In the mid-60s, Democrat Lyndon Johnson launched the so-called War on Poverty. Since then, we’ve incentivized women to marry the government and incentivized men to abandon their financial and moral responsibility. And nobody is talking about it.” This highlights the societal shifts that have led to the increasing absence of fathers and the resulting identity crises experienced by many children.
Father Absence and the Identity Crisis
On the flip side, when a father is absent, either physically or emotionally, children are left searching for approval elsewhere. David Blankenhorn, in his book Fatherless America, argues that the absence of a father leaves a significant void in a child’s life, one that often leads to confusion, behavioral issues, and emotional instability. Children without fathers, or without the approval of their fathers, may struggle with their sense of identity well into adulthood. They may seek validation from external sources—peer groups, society, or even harmful behaviors—because they did not receive it from the one person whose approval they needed most.
The search for identity without a father’s approval can lead to profound challenges. As Edward Kruk points out in his study on the importance of fathers post-divorce, children who are deprived of a father’s involvement often experience emotional and psychological issues, including low self-esteem and an inability to form healthy relationships. This deep need for paternal affirmation underscores how crucial a father’s words and presence are in helping a child develop a stable and healthy sense of self.
The Power of a Father’s Words
Psychologist Ross Parke, in his work Fathers and Families, explains how a father’s role in shaping identity becomes even more critical during adolescence. As children grow and start questioning their place in the world, they look to their fathers for affirmation. Fathers who offer guidance, encouragement, and approval during this crucial period can significantly impact their children’s development. Adolescents, especially, long to hear their fathers say, “I’m proud of you,” or “This is who you are.” These simple affirmations resonate deeply and provide a foundation for their self-confidence and sense of purpose.
However, it’s not just the knowledge of who they are that matters; it’s also about knowing that they are pleasing to their father. Approval from a father is more than just validation—it is the acknowledgment of their worth and capability, and it communicates to the child that they are not only loved but are also on the right path in life. This approval encourages them to embrace their identity with confidence and face the world knowing that they have the strength to succeed.
God’s Provision for the Fatherless: Spiritual Fathers
While this article emphasizes the importance of fathers affirming their children, it is essential to acknowledge that not everyone has a father in their life, for various reasons—whether through abandonment, estrangement, or other difficult circumstances. But the fatherless are not forgotten. God Himself declares, “I am a Father to the fatherless” (Psalm 68:5), reassuring that no one is left without His provision. He extends His fatherly care through the church, raising up spiritual fathers to stand in the gap for those who need affirmation, guidance, and love.
God provides spiritual fathers—men in His church who lead, correct, and affirm. Whether a child or an adult, one can have a fatherly figure who speaks life and encouragement, just as the Apostle Paul did with Timothy, an adult man whom he considered a spiritual son. Paul exemplifies this relationship when he writes:
“For though you might have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet you do not have many fathers; for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel. Therefore I urge you, imitate me. For this reason I have sent Timothy to you, who is my beloved and faithful son in the Lord, who will remind you of my ways in Christ, as I teach everywhere in every church.” (I Corinthians 4:15-17)
This passage serves as a model of how God’s people can provide fatherly affirmation and spiritual leadership, reminding the fatherless that they are not left alone but are part of God’s family.
The Biblical Example: Jesus and His Father
Even Jesus Christ, the Son of God, did not begin His ministry without first receiving His Father’s approval. In the gospel account of Jesus’ baptism, we witness a powerful moment where God the Father speaks audibly from heaven, declaring, “This is My Son, in Whom I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:17). This divine affirmation did more than just identify Jesus as God’s Son; it validated His mission and destiny. Only after hearing these words from His Father did Jesus begin His public ministry and walk in His divine purpose.
This moment highlights the profound power of a father’s approval. Jesus already knew He was the Son of God, yet it wasn’t until His Father publicly declared His pleasure in Him that He began His work. This illustrates that even the Son of God needed to hear the words of His Father to fully step into His calling. It wasn’t enough for Jesus to know He was the Son; He needed the world to hear it, and He needed to know that He pleased His Father.
Conclusion: The Importance of a Father’s Approval
The significance of a father’s approval cannot be overstated. Children and adults alike need to hear their fathers tell them who they are, and even more, they need to know they are pleasing to their fathers. This approval builds the foundation for a healthy identity and a confident sense of purpose. Just as Jesus heard His Father say, “This is My Son, in Whom I am well pleased,” (Matthew 3:17) every child longs to hear their father say, “You are mine, and I am proud of you.”
Fathers have the power to set the course of their children’s lives through the words they speak and the approval they give. As research has shown, children who receive this affirmation flourish emotionally, socially, and spiritually. They grow up knowing they are valued and capable of achieving great things. Conversely, the absence of this approval can lead to struggles with identity and self-worth, resulting in a lifelong search for validation. As Elder warned, “Since the 1960s, we’ve incentivized women to marry the government and incentivized men to abandon their financial and moral responsibility. And nobody is talking about it.”
In the end, it’s not just about knowing who you are—it’s about knowing that you please the father. Fathers, your words carry incredible weight. The tongue has the power of life and death.” (Proverbs 18:21) When you speak life and approval into your children, you help them walk confidently into their destiny, just as our Heavenly Father did for His Son. As Malachi warned, without this critical turning of hearts between fathers and children, families and nations risk destruction. But with it, there is stability, peace, and the blessing of a shared identity built on love and affirmation.