The Call from the Den
The echoes of laughter bounced off the walls of the den as I tossed a football with my friends, the usual weekend banter filling the air. But today, my mom’s voice cut through our fun like a knife.
“Jake! Can you come here for a minute?”
I glanced at my friends, their faces mirroring my own confusion. “What now?” I thought. As I walked into the den, I felt the familiar weight of expectation settle on my shoulders.
Another New “Father”
There he was—my mom’s latest “friend,” David, standing with an easy smile that made me uneasy. Did he say he was just a friend? Why was he acting like he was my father?
“We’ve got news for you!” Mom announced, her excitement bubbling over. “You are going to be so happy!”
Oh, great. What did she get me this time?
“What is it?” I asked, trying to sound enthusiastic.
“David and I are getting married! We’ll be a family!” Her eyes sparkled with joy, but a knot tightened in my stomach. I thought we already had a family. My mind raced back to the last time I thought we had it all figured out.
Related:
- Father and Son Camping Trip
- State of the Family
- The Father’s Role in Shaping the Identity of His Children Including His Adult Children: The Power of Approval
- “15 Theses toward a Re-Incarnation of the Church” Wolfgang Simson
- Fathering and Accountability are Needed for Discipleship to Happen
Flashbacks of Father Figures
For example: Mom’s boyfriend before David, Mike. He’d brought a soccer ball over, claiming he could teach me all the tricks. “You can call me Dad if you want,” he’d said. But she left him too, just as quickly as she had embraced him.
Another example: There was Kevin, the one who took me to my first baseball game. He bought me a cap, said I could call him Dad. “We’re getting married!” parade happened again! But after two years, my mom decided he wasn’t right for us, and he was gone.
A Parade of Fathers
This was the fifth man in my life who was supposed to be a father figure, and yet here I was, still the confused boy wondering if it was me who was doing something wrong. Was it wrong to expect stability? As long as Mom was happy, right?
“Why are you so sad, Mom?” I ventured, trying to navigate the storm brewing in my heart.
“Well, I know you heard us arguing… I just can’t live with this man. You and I are leaving.”
Related:
- Called to Be Loved, to Love, & to Belong, Romans 1:1-6
- Family Matters: A Message by Brenda Kilpatrick
- Understanding Father God’s Anger and Discipline and His Times of Refreshing from a Biblical Perspective
- ‘Boys and Men Must Be Free and Accustomed to Fearing Slavery More Than Death’ Plato
- Next Step Outback
- Know God like Jake so You too Can be Saved
The Latest Departure
Leaving? I could hardly process the words. “Where are we going?”
“I just can’t put up with this. I need to be free. ‘I’ll never see you again!’” She was shouting now, dragging my younger sister and me out the front door like we were stuffed animals, ready to toss away.
I guess life, I thought to myself, is just a series of my mom having friends and a parade of fathers—or maybe boyfriends or boy-fathers, or father-friends; I don’t really know what to call them. What I do know is that she lives her life focused solely on her own happiness, never once considering if I am happy. As angry as I was, part of me still loved her. She was my mom, after all, even if her choices left us spinning in chaos. I just wished she could see that love wasn’t supposed to be this hard.
Seeking Stability in Chaos
“I just need some me time,” she said, six months after the last exodus, when she pulled us out of the house by our arms, attempting to sound calm as we tumbled into her car, confusion thickening the air between us. “The girls and I are going to hang out tonight. I got you a babysitter” seems to be how it always starts.
Back to the awkward dinner with ‘David’ The evening dragged on. I sat at the dinner table with this strange man, trying to ignore the gooey looks my mom shot at him from across the table. They were still keeping secrets, and I was the last to know.
After the awkward meal, David pulled me aside into the den again, leaning down to speak to me like he had some wisdom to impart.
“You can come to me for anything, you know that, right? I’m here for you, kid.”
I felt a rush of irritation; what made him think he could step into that role? “They won’t let me drink alcohol, get a tattoo, join the military, or drive a car,” I thought bitterly. “But they let me have five fathers who have all been replaced. Or did they leave her? Father confusion.” If Mother is happy, then I guess everyone else just needs to adjust—that seems more and more accurate to me.
A Classmate’s Revelation
Then one day at school, as I tried to make sense of it all, my friend Nevin approached me.
“Hey, Jake! I got saved!” (Romans 10:9-10)
“What?” I asked, confused.
“I gave my life to Father God,” he exclaimed, a big smile lighting up his face.
Father God? The words reverberated in my mind like a mantra. That’s a touchy subject for me, I told Nevin. Father-Confusion Big Time! But seeing how much Jake had changed, how peaceful he was, I started to think.
A Glimmer of Hope
“Father,” I whispered to myself, the word tumbling around like a newly discovered secret. What would it mean to have a father who would never leave? Or better said, a father which my mother cannot just send away!
In my heart, I felt a flicker of hope. Maybe I could find peace amid the confusion. As I walked home that day, the weight of five absent fathers felt a little lighter, knowing it was my mother who had chosen to send them away. I began to wonder if perhaps there could be a different kind of fatherhood—one that didn’t carry the scars of her decisions.
Facing the Truth About My Mother
And so, the boy in a world of father confusion started to seek out the idea of a true father, someone who wouldn’t be so easily discarded. What does it mean to truly have a father? Maybe it starts with understanding that love and support can come from unexpected places, even in a world where many mothers seem to prioritize their own happiness over stability. Maybe life’s not about “making my mother happy?”
The Power of Scripture
Nevin, knowing my journey, began to read the Bible and kept encouraging me to do the same. He eventually caught my attention, reading from Ephesians. “This is what God says about your life and what has happened to you. It brings clarity to all the trauma you’ve gone through.”
He shared how the Bible in Ephesians 5:22-33 instructs wives to submit to their husbands as they do to the Lord, emphasizing that the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church. I had it all wrong. No wonder there was always a struggle in our home—both of them demanded the other submit.
A Father Who Won’t Leave
As I absorbed these words, I felt a flicker of hope igniting within me. Maybe this was the kind of fatherhood I had been searching for all along—one rooted in unconditional love, mutual respect, and genuine support.
I see now that Mom needed Father God in her life before she tried to find me a father in mine. All my life, I had lived in chaos, driven by my mom’s quest for happiness. But now I see that this was her doing—not God’s, nor that of any father. It was her choices all along.
Clarity and Closure
I can see clearly now; the rain of father confusion is gone. I just need to forget what is now behind me and look toward what is ahead. I plan to take that journey with my Father, Father God, who has adopted me into His family through my acceptance of His Son, Jesus, as my Lord and Savior.
Awe, it was never ‘If Mom is happy, then everyone is happy.’ It has always been, ‘When the Father is happy, and you love Him, then everyone is happy! (Psalms 133)
Looking Ahead with Father God
Oh, what a day of rejoicing it’s going to be!