Five Things We Will Learn
- A spiritual father imparts wisdom, not merely information. Fathering involves depositing wisdom into the lives of sons and daughters so they can grow and make sound decisions.
- A spiritual father provides encouragement and protection. Ministry can be lonely and difficult, making prayer, support, friendship, and spiritual covering especially important.
- A spiritual father brings necessary correction. Unlike someone who only teaches, a father has a relationship deep enough to confront error and offer rebuke when necessary.
- Spiritual fathering creates accountability. Refusing to be accountable to anyone can leave a believer or minister vulnerable to serious mistakes.
- Spiritual sons and daughters have responsibilities too. They are called to serve, remain committed when tested, receive correction, honor spiritual authority, and demonstrate covenant faithfulness.
More Than a Teacher
Everyone needs people who can teach them, but a spiritual father offers something deeper than instruction.
A father does not simply communicate information; he deposits something into the lives of his sons and daughters. One of the clearest expressions of this fathering relationship is the impartation of wisdom.
Wisdom is the principal thing.
The consequences of rejecting wisdom can become painfully visible. Pawn shops, for example, are filled with possessions once valued by people who made decisions they later regretted. Wisdom can save us from choices that cost us dearly.
For that reason, one major sign of a spiritual father is his ability to impart wisdom. This dimension of ministry should be approached carefully. A seasoned spiritual father may reach a stage when his greatest contribution is no longer constant preaching or teaching, but counseling and guiding others as a father.
A Father Encourages
Spiritual fathering also involves encouragement.
Ministry can become extraordinarily lonely. The notes cite troubling statistics about pastors: many feel unable to meet the demands of their calling, struggle with diminished self-esteem, believe ministry has negatively affected their families, regularly experience serious conflict within their churches, or lack someone they consider a close friend.
That final struggle is particularly significant. A minister may be surrounded by people and yet have no one with whom he can openly share his burdens, sit down for a meal, or honestly talk through what he is facing.
A spiritual father can help fill that relational void. Fathering means being present, encouraging, listening, and strengthening another person when ministry becomes difficult.
A Father Corrects
Spiritual fathering cannot be reduced to affirmation. A father must also be willing to correct.
An instructor can teach without becoming personally involved in someone’s life. A spiritual father has a different responsibility. He must be willing to say when something is wrong.
That distinction also reveals why simply saying, “All I want is a teacher,” is inadequate. There are many teachers, and a believer can listen to countless voices. But spiritual fathering involves relationship, responsibility, and the willingness to receive rebuke.
The notes contrast mentoring with fathering. A mentor can serve as an example or teacher, and a person may have many mentors. Someone can even consider a person they have never personally met to be a mentor.
Fathering is different.
The notes express the distinction this way: a mentor may be among you, but a father is over you. You may determine your mentors, but God determines your father.
This kind of relationship requires sons and daughters who are willing to hear and heed correction rather than simply moving on whenever they hear something they do not like.
A Father Protects
A spiritual father also provides protection.
He offers covering and prays for the men and women entrusted to him, particularly younger ministers who may be navigating circumstances they have never faced before.
Protection does not mean removing every difficulty. It means that a person is not walking into those difficulties without someone watching, praying, counseling, and caring for them.
The relationship therefore extends beyond preaching platforms and ministry meetings. A father carries people in prayer.
The Necessity of Accountability
Another essential purpose of spiritual fathering is accountability.
The attitude that says, “Nobody tells me what to do” is dangerous. The notes connect this concern with the warning in 2 Timothy 4 concerning people gathering teachers according to what their itching ears want to hear.
Accountability means there is someone in our lives whose counsel carries weight even when that counsel is uncomfortable.
The most dangerous person may be the person who answers to no one.
If we only listen to people who agree with us, we have not truly embraced accountability. Fathering becomes especially meaningful when the father says something the son or daughter would rather not hear.
Sons and Daughters Have Responsibilities
The responsibility does not rest entirely upon the spiritual father. Sons and daughters also have responsibilities.
One important principle is service.
Before getting under someone’s ministry, consider whether that person has faithfully served someone else. Who did they serve? Who has sat where they now sit? Did they learn to carry another person’s burden before expecting others to carry theirs?
Timothy provides the model expressed in the notes: “Timothy served with me in the gospel.”
The principle is simple but demanding:
You will never get your own unless you help another get his own.
Service precedes leadership. Before carrying your own vision, learn to help carry someone else’s.
Jump In—Don’t Just Wade In
Elijah’s servant is presented as an example of someone willing to leave the natural in order to serve.
That kind of commitment cannot remain halfhearted.
Do not merely wade in and test the water indefinitely. Jump in. Do not approach covenant relationships with the attitude, “I’ll try this and see whether I like it.”
The heart of a faithful son or daughter says:
Count on me.
That commitment will eventually be tested.
Covenant Is Tested in Disagreement
Agreement does not fully reveal covenant.
When everyone agrees, remaining together is easy. The real test comes at the point of disagreement.
It is easy to leave when corrected. It is easy to walk away when another person’s decision conflicts with what we wanted. But those are precisely the moments when commitment is revealed.
There will always be an opportunity to leave the person God has joined you to. Others may even think you are foolish for remaining connected.
The question is whether the relationship is merely convenient or truly covenantal.
Honor Is More Important Than Being Right
Spiritual sons and daughters must also understand honor.
The command to honor father and mother reflects a larger principle: be honorable.
Sometimes being honorable is more important than proving that you are right. A person may sincerely believe his position is correct and still choose submission because he honors the relationship.
The notes capture that posture in a simple declaration:
“I don’t agree, but I will submit to that because I honor you.”
Honor is demonstrated most clearly when agreement is absent. If we honor someone only when they agree with us, we have not yet discovered the depth of honor being described.
The guiding conviction is that God honors those who walk honorably toward their fathers.
At the same time, the notes establish a boundary: authority must never be honored in a way that dishonors God.
Spiritual Fathering Requires Relationship
Spiritual fathering is therefore much more than attending someone’s meetings, listening to sermons, or choosing favorite teachers.
A spiritual father imparts wisdom. He encourages. He corrects. He protects. He provides accountability.
And sons and daughters respond by serving, remaining teachable, receiving correction, honoring authority, and demonstrating covenant commitment even when relationships are tested.
The relationship is not built merely upon agreement. It is proven through faithfulness.
A generation of ministers can accumulate countless instructors and mentors while still lacking fathers. Spiritual fathering calls believers beyond information into relationship—beyond simply hearing teaching into being known, corrected, encouraged, protected, and held accountable.
And it calls sons and daughters to become the kind of people who can say with sincerity:
Count on me.
If you feel the Lord may be calling you to relate personally, ministerially, with your church, or as a spiritual son or daughter, you can explore that possibility under the Lord’s leadership here.
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