Five Things We Will Learn
- Why biblical headship is a command from God rather than an optional role for husbands and fathers.
- How God’s design for marriage requires husbands, wives, and children to walk in obedience to their assigned responsibilities.
- Why fear of loss causes many men to abdicate leadership in the home.
- What happens spiritually when God-given authority is abandoned.
- Why choosing a spouse carefully is one of the most important decisions a believer can make.
God’s Command for Husbands/Fathers to Lead
“Lead at the risk of losing those you are called to lead.”
This sobering call captures the weighty reality facing Christian husbands and fathers today. God does not present biblical headship as an optional role offered with a polite question: “Would you like to lead your family like Christ leads the church?” He issues a clear, authoritative command.
In Ephesians 5:22-33, the Holy Spirit lays out the divine order:
“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
This is not a suggestion but a mandate rooted in creation order and the mystery of Christ and the church.
The Responsibility of Biblical Headship
The husband’s leadership is a serious undertaking, a high and holy responsibility to provide spiritual covering, make sacrificial decisions, disciple his children, protect his home, and love his wife with the self-giving love of Jesus.
He is called to lead even when it is costly, knowing the cultural and legal landscape often makes that obedience risky.
Yet this leadership does not operate in a vacuum. It requires corresponding obedience from those he leads.
The wife is commanded to submit to her husband as the church submits to Christ (Ephesians 5:22-24), not out of cultural pressure, but “as to the Lord.”
Children are likewise commanded to obey their parents in the Lord (Ephesians 6:1-3; Colossians 3:20).
When the entire family walks in these roles, husband leading sacrificially, wife submitting respectfully, and children obeying gladly, the household functions in God’s beautiful design and experiences His blessing as does the church, community, city, and yes, even the nation.
The Painful Reality of Leadership
One of the most difficult realities of biblical headship is that a husband’s leadership can only be fully effective when his wife and children choose to follow.
A man can faithfully step into headship with courage and love, yet if his wife resists submission or his children rebel, the visible fruit of his leadership may be limited or even costly in earthly terms.
This is why many men, observing the high statistical likelihood of divorce initiated by wives (approximately 70%), maternal primary custody (approximately 80%), and prolonged financial obligations, shrink back in fear and abdicate their role rather than risk loss.
For the thing I greatly feared has come upon me. Job 3:25
I want to encourage you as men: before you get married, realize what you are doing and who you are choosing to do it with. This is critical to the success of a godly marriage.
Know that it is often much easier to remain unmarried and live your life fully devoted to Jesus than to end up wounded and unmarried as a former husband and father who has lost his marriage and family because they refused to follow the Lord and the leadership He entrusted to you.
Secondly, I want to help you understand that avoiding your place in the relationship out of fear of losing your marriage and family could end up being the very thing that brings about the loss of your marriage and family. Fear often causes men to retreat from the responsibilities God has given them, yet in doing so, they may create the very circumstances they were trying to avoid. Instead of leading from fear, lead in faith, trusting God and obeying His Word regardless of the outcome.
They trade divine obedience for a false sense of safety.
But Scripture offers no exemption based on fear of consequences.
The husband’s call remains: lead anyway.
The wife’s call remains: submit anyway.
The children’s call remains: obey anyway.
All of it is to be done “as unto the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22; 6:1, 5-7; Colossians 3:23), not primarily for the approval or cooperation of the other family members.
When God-Given Authority Is Abandoned
When fear causes a husband to step back from headship, the vacuum is not simply filled by another family member assuming leadership. Scripture teaches that all authority is established by God (Romans 13:1). God is a God of order, and wherever He establishes authority, He does so for protection, blessing, and the fulfillment of His purposes.
When a husband abandons the place of leadership God has entrusted to him, he surrenders ground that was given to him as a stewardship before the Lord. Whenever God-ordained authority is forsaken, the adversary seeks to exploit that void.
This principle is reflected in Jude’s warning concerning angels who abandoned the positions God assigned to them:
“And the angels who did not keep their positions of authority but abandoned their own home, these he has kept in darkness, bound with everlasting chains for judgment on the great Day” (Jude 1:6).
The issue was not simply where these angels went, but that they abandoned the place God assigned to them. Scripture repeatedly reveals that abandoning God’s order opens the door to confusion, destruction, and bondage.
Jesus warned that “the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10). Satan seeks every opportunity to exploit territory surrendered through disobedience, fear, passivity, or neglect. When a husband relinquishes leadership, it may appear that a wife is leading, that children are leading, or that outside influences are directing the family. Yet beneath the visible circumstances is a deeper spiritual reality: God-given authority has been abandoned, and the adversary is seeking to occupy what was surrendered.
For this reason, husbands must not shrink back from their calling. God has entrusted husbands with the responsibility to lead their homes under the lordship of Jesus Christ. Biblical headship is sacrificial service, loving protection, spiritual oversight, and faithful obedience to God. When a husband embraces that responsibility, he aligns himself with God’s order. When he abandons it, he opens the door for confusion and disorder to enter the home.
Lead Anyway
True faith steps forward anyway, trusting that obedience to God’s Word is never ultimately in vain.
“Be strong and courageous” (Joshua 1:9) was not spoken only to Joshua leading a nation, but echoes for every man leading his household.
Even if earthly loss occurs, the man who leads as Christ leads will stand before the Lord with a clear conscience, having fulfilled his assignment.
And many times, courageous, loving, consistent headship, paired with a wife who honors God by following, becomes the very instrument God uses to restore, strengthen, and revive the marriage and family.
Sad to say, when you lead, some men will lose their wives and, yes, even their very own children, home, and much of their income because she or they did not want to follow his leadership as he follows the Lord.
Why It Matters Who You Marry
This is why it matters who you marry.
Getting married is not only not required by God. Consider the example of some of the greatest men of God recorded in Scripture, including the greatest of them all, Jesus Christ Himself.
The apostle Paul, the prophet Jeremiah, and many other faithful servants walked powerfully in singleness, fully devoted to the Lord without the added weight and risks of family leadership.
Jesus, our perfect example, never married, yet He led with unmatched authority, love, and sacrifice.
For those who do marry, the choice of a wife must be made with utmost care and prayer, seeking a woman who fears the Lord, understands biblical submission, and is committed to following godly headship as unto the Lord.
A prudent wife is from the Lord (Proverbs 19:14), but a contentious or unsubmissive one can bring ruin.
Therefore, men of God, count the cost before entering marriage, pursue the Lord first, and only move forward with a wife who shares a wholehearted commitment to God’s order in the home.
Whether married or single, the priority is unwavering obedience to Christ, leading where called or serving faithfully while unmarried.
Count the Cost, Then Obey God
Marriage is a gift from God, but it is also a stewardship before God. Scripture never presents marriage as something to enter casually, emotionally, or without careful consideration. Jesus repeatedly taught the importance of counting the cost before committing to a course of action (Luke 14:28-33), and nowhere is that wisdom more important than in marriage and family.
The issue is not whether marriage is good. It is “Is marriage right for you?” God created marriage. The issue is whether a man understands the responsibility he is accepting and whether he is joining himself to someone who shares a wholehearted commitment to Christ and His order.
A husband cannot force a wife to follow. A father cannot force children to obey. Every individual will ultimately stand before God and answer for his or her own decisions. Yet a husband is still responsible to lead, a wife is still responsible to submit to her husband as unto the Lord, and children are still responsible to obey their parents in the Lord. God’s commands do not disappear simply because others refuse to obey them.
Therefore, do not let fear govern your decisions. Do not let fear keep you from leading if God has entrusted a family to your care. At the same time, do not enter marriage lightly. Seek the Lord. Pursue wisdom. Count the cost. Choose carefully.
Whether God calls you to marriage or to remain unmarried, your highest calling is not marriage, family, or even earthly success. Your highest calling is faithful obedience to Jesus Christ.
Lead if He calls you to lead.
Remain unmarried if He calls you to remain unmarried.
But in all things, fear God more than loss, obey Him more than circumstances, and remain faithful to the assignment He has given you.
For in the end, success is not measured by what others choose to do. Success is measured by whether we faithfully obeyed the Lord.
Begin Your Journey Today
Jesus didn’t just call us to believe in Him—He called us to follow Him.
Step into the life He designed for you through Emmaus Road’s The Commands of Jesus. This is more than learning—it’s an invitation to walk with Him, obey Him, and experience Him in a real and powerful way.
You don’t want to miss this exciting adventure Jesus has called you into.
Start now:
https://GregLancaster.org/StartHere
Related:
Marriage Is a Covenant, Not an Identity
Marriage, Divorce & Adultery: What Jesus Actually Said
God’s Order for Marriage and Family: Learning from Biblical Authority and Submission
Marriage: For God’s Sake and for the Sake of the Children (Part 1) – The Idol of Marriage
Why Are Women So Unhappy Since They Got Everything They Asked For?