Five Things We Will Learn
- Why singleness is not a punishment from God and should never be viewed as a measure of His love.
- How to build a meaningful, beautiful, God-honoring life while waiting for marriage.
- Why serving others is one of the greatest opportunities available during a season of singleness.
- How becoming the kind of person you’re looking for prepares you for future relationships.
- Why God’s delays are often preparations, and how His timing frequently makes sense only in reverse.
Alex Clark does a great job of sharing important wisdom for women in this message. While she uses the common cultural term “single,” I want to encourage you to reframe it in your mind as “unmarried.” When you read “singleness” in this article, replace it with “unmarried.” Jesus never referred to anyone as “single,” and we see that Jesus, Paul, Daniel, and many other faithful servants lived highly effective unmarried lives. Far from limiting their impact, their unmarried life actually made them more available and effective for God’s purposes. Being unmarried may very well be your future, and it can be a powerful calling.
A Conversation That Sparked a National Debate
Alex Clark is the host of Culture Apothecary, a health and wellness podcast produced by Turning Point USA. Having spent seven years working alongside Charlie Kirk at Turning Point USA, she describes the experience as both the most blessed season of her life and one of its greatest honors. Speaking from her own journey as a Christian woman who desired marriage yet spent years navigating singleness, Clark offers a candid, humorous, and deeply personal perspective on trusting God’s timing, stewarding seasons of waiting, and building a meaningful life while anticipating what God has next.
Speaking of Charlie, Alex reminded the audience about a memorable moment from the previous year’s conference.
Some attendees remembered the marriage and relationships Q&A that Charlie and his wife Erica conducted together. The conversation became one of the most talked-about moments of the event and was subsequently covered by major media outlets across America.
Alex described Charlie and Erica as a unique combination. Charlie often communicated with directness and blunt honesty, while Erica frequently balanced the conversation with gentleness and encouragement.
One exchange from that session especially resonated:
“How many of you, every single day, it’s your purpose for being is finding a husband? Then every hand should then go up. But I thought you said you wanted an amazing family. You have to prioritize and aim at what you want the most.”
Charlie continued:
“If you are not married by the age of 30, you only have a 50% chance of getting married. And if you don’t have kids by the age of 30, you have a 50% chance of not having kids. You should know that. Now, I’m not telling you anything that is that provocative. It’s just the data, right? Having children are a gift from the Lord. And unfortunately, our culture deemphasizes it. And again, you get what you aim at. You get what you prioritize.”
Erica attempted to soften the impact:
“To add on to that, for the women who are getting married after 30, that’s okay.”
Charlie responded:
“It’s not ideal. It’s not probably the best statistical position for you. But God is good.”
The exchange highlighted the tension between difficult realities and hopeful encouragement.
Truth That Stings
Alex admitted that Charlie’s comments hit close to home.
When Charlie said that women who remain unmarried after thirty have significantly lower odds of marrying, she was sitting in the audience as a woman in her thirties who deeply desired marriage.
She knew Charlie personally. She understood that his comments were not intended to condemn anyone. They came from concern and what she described as fatherly tough love.
Many women, especially Christian women, long for marriage and family. They are not delaying marriage intentionally. They are not necessarily prioritizing careers over family.
As Alex put it:
“You’re building a career because what the heck else are you supposed to be doing in the meantime?”
She pushed back against a mindset that sometimes appears even among conservative Christians.
Some seem to imply that women should simply wait passively for a husband to appear.
Alex joked:
“They act like we’re supposed to just live under an overpass and wait for our husband to fall from the sky.”
Yet she also acknowledged that Charlie was identifying a genuine cultural problem.
He recognized the deterioration happening around us and understood that strong Christian families remain one of the most powerful ways to push back against cultural decline.
In fact, Alex noted that the statistics may be even more sobering than what Charlie cited.
One in three members of Generation Z may never marry.
One in four may never have children.
Charlie was attempting to wake up the broader culture.
But Alex wanted to speak directly to Christian women.
A Message for Women Who Love Jesus and Desire Marriage
Alex turned her focus away from America at large and toward the women in the room.
These were women who loved Jesus.
Women who prayed for marriage.
Women who desired marriage.
Women who had not yet received it.
She shared a truth that took years for her to understand:
“Your marital status is not God’s report card on your life.”
Alex acknowledged that she could not stand on stage and teach from the perspective of a married woman.
She wasn’t married.
What she could teach was how to honor God during a season of singleness.
She could teach how not to waste years waiting for life to begin.
She could teach from her own mistakes and lessons learned.
And perhaps most importantly, she could share one of the deepest truths she had discovered:
“One thing I’ve learned is that sometimes God is answering your prayer while it still feels like he’s ignoring it.”
Sometimes a delay is actually preparation.
Sometimes today’s frustration becomes tomorrow’s gratitude.
Often God’s timing only makes sense when viewed in hindsight.
As Alex put it:
“The hardest thing about God’s timing is that it usually only makes sense in reverse.”
1. Stop Thinking Singleness Is a Punishment from God
Alex’s first point was direct.
Stop believing that God forgot you.
Stop believing that He abandoned you.
Stop believing that singleness means you have somehow failed Him.
She referenced James 4 and the reminder that human beings do not control tomorrow.
James warns against presuming upon the future:
“What you ought to say is if the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.”
Alex spoke honestly about her own struggles.
She described countless nights of heartbreak.
Countless prayers.
Countless moments asking God:
“Why not him?”
She reassured women that longing for marriage is not evidence of weak faith.
It is a good desire.
The pain of waiting is real.
The longing is real.
But we must avoid drawing false conclusions.
The absence of marriage does not mean God is withholding blessings because we failed some spiritual test.
Many deeply devoted Christians have remained single for years.
Some remained single for life.
The question is not:
“Am I good enough for God to give me a spouse?”
The real question is:
“Can I trust God when he gives me himself and not the thing that I most want?”
Faith is not trusting God after He explains Himself.
Faith is trusting Him before He does.
Marriage is a gift.
It is not a reward.
Alex warned against turning marriage into a works-based achievement.
Many Christian women begin believing:
“If I become holy enough…”
“If I become pretty enough…”
“If I become disciplined enough…”
“If I become healed enough…”
“Then God will finally give me a husband.”
Alex firmly rejected that thinking.
Self-examination is healthy.
Repenting of sin is healthy.
Pursuing maturity is healthy.
But concluding that God is displeased because you are single is neither healthy nor biblical.
God’s love is not measured by your marital status.
God’s goodness is not measured by whether your timeline unfolds according to your plans.
And again she repeated:
“One thing I’ve learned is that sometimes God is answering your prayer while it still feels like he’s ignoring it.”
2. Build a Beautiful Life During Your Single Season
Alex’s second point challenged two common cultural lies.
The first lie says a career should become your entire identity.
The second lie says that women who desire marriage should put their lives on hold until a husband arrives.
Alex rejected both ideas.
A career makes a terrible god.
But it can be a wonderful tool.
Preparing for marriage does not mean becoming less alive.
It means becoming more alive.
She encouraged women:
Build a beautiful life.
Travel.
Learn new skills.
Start a business.
Host dinner parties.
Volunteer.
Take care of your health.
Laugh with friends.
She observed that many Christian women become afraid of fully engaging with life.
Some fear appearing too forward.
Others avoid building careers because they eventually hope to become stay-at-home mothers.
But if someone is neither dating nor building anything meaningful, what exactly are they expecting to happen?
Alex joked:
“Is your future husband going to come down the chimney like Santa Claus?”
Some women, she suggested, may actually be hiding from the very places where God could introduce them to their future spouse.
Yet even if marriage never arrives, a meaningful life is still worth living.
Life is not on hold.
Life is happening now.
Marriage may become a beautiful chapter.
But the current chapter matters too.
Making the Most of This Season
Alex encouraged women to fully enjoy the freedoms unique to singleness.
She humorously suggested:
- Sprawl across the entire bed.
- Paint the apartment pink.
- Travel Europe.
- Visit every location from Italy in Paris.
- Spend time with married friends and then leave when their children start tantrums.
- Own forty-six throw pillows.
- Spend disposable income on things you enjoy.
- Make a giant mess in the kitchen and clean it tomorrow.
Her point wasn’t selfishness.
Her point was stewardship.
This season will never return.
Many women spend years comparing, crying, wallowing, and waiting.
But the women she most admires are those who run their race in full color.
They take risks for God’s Kingdom.
They build.
They learn.
They serve.
They grow.
Sometimes while asking God where the future is, He is already using them exactly where they are.
3. Use This Time to Serve Other People
Alex emphasized that singleness should not become self-focused.
Human beings naturally gravitate toward themselves.
She referenced her friend Allie Beth Stuckey and her book You’re Not Enough.
One of the greatest gifts of singleness is the freedom it creates for service.
For more than a decade, Alex volunteered with Child Advocates.
For more than a decade, she has volunteered through Child Advocates, serving as a Court Appointed Special Advocate for children in the foster care system.
They build relationships with children.
Learn their stories.
Advocate for them in court.
Alex pointed out that she likely would not have had the same freedom if she were simultaneously raising multiple children.
She also described it as one of the most pro-life activities she has ever participated in.
It demonstrates care not only for unborn children but also for vulnerable children already born.
She encouraged women to find their own opportunities for service.
Maybe that means:
- Babysitting for exhausted parents.
- Taking older children out so a mother can rest.
- Visiting nursing homes.
- Reading Scripture to the elderly.
- Mentoring younger women.
- Leading Bible studies.
- Praying faithfully for friends.
The goal is to avoid idleness.
Serving shifts the focus away from:
“Where is my spouse?”
and toward:
“Who am I becoming?”
Alex referenced 1 Corinthians 7, where the Apostle Paul explains that singleness can provide opportunities for undivided devotion to the Lord.
Those opportunities often become much more limited once children, responsibilities, and family obligations arrive.
Alex candidly admitted:
“I’m the first to admit that I have not done this well.”
She expressed genuine repentance for ways she had failed to steward previous seasons and urged others not to repeat her mistakes.
4. Become the Kind of Person You’re Looking For
Alex introduced what she called her “Charlie Kirk hard truth moment.”
She asked a difficult question:
“Would you want to marry you?”
Most women envision a future husband who is engaged with life, emotionally healthy, physically healthy, spiritually growing, and connected to community.
Alex challenged women to apply the same standards to themselves.
Instead of constantly asking:
“Where is he?”
Ask:
“Who am I becoming?”
The goal is not finding a perfect person.
The goal is becoming a faithful one.
Alex emphasized holistic growth.
Physical growth.
Emotional growth.
Spiritual growth.
Not perfection, but progress.
Can you look back over the last year and see evidence of sanctification?
Would your friends see it?
Would your family see it?
Would your church community see it?
Marriage happens when imperfect people commit themselves to Christ and pursue holiness together.
Not happiness.
Holiness.
Alex reminded the audience that a godly man is not primarily looking for:
- Perfect looks.
- Perfect degrees.
- Perfect accomplishments.
- Perfect sourdough bread.
He is looking for evidence of genuine faith.
Joy.
Character.
Stewardship.
Spiritual maturity.
Prepare Now for What You Hope to Have Later
Alex encouraged women to use singleness as preparation.
Learn to cook.
Improve your health.
Fix your sleep schedule.
Join a women’s small group.
Take the Pilates class.
Read books on marriage.
Read books on parenting.
She laughed while admitting that she had consumed enormous amounts of content on:
- Baby formula.
- Sleep training.
- Co-sleeping.
- Homeschooling.
- Attachment styles.
- Parenting philosophies.
Every mother she knew told her the same thing:
“I wish I would have known this before I was sleep-deprived and holding a newborn.”
The lesson was simple:
Don’t waste this season.
Again she repeated:
“Sometimes God is answering your prayer while it still feels like he’s ignoring it.”
And while you wait, God may be preparing you too.
5. Don’t Post a Guy Until You’re Engaged or Married
Alex called this her “spiciest” point.
Her advice:
“Don’t post [on social media] a guy until you’re engaged or married.”
This came directly from personal regret.
She admitted that social media often creates unnecessary pain.
Posting a relationship online can make it feel more real.
But it can also make heartbreak far more public.
The moment a relationship appears online, people begin creating stories.
They start planning weddings.
Naming future children.
Analyzing captions.
Investigating every photo.
If the relationship ends, the couple must not only grieve privately but also navigate public speculation.
Alex emphasized:
“Access is earned.”
Social media often encourages the opposite idea.
Some things are sacred before they become public.
The strongest relationships she has observed developed privately as two people pursued Christ together.
Not everything needs an audience.
Not every relationship needs public commentary.
Not every dinner date needs documentation.
And if a relationship eventually becomes a marriage, then celebrate publicly if both people desire.
Marriage is a covenant.
Covenants are public.
Courtship doesn’t necessarily have to be.
Alex carefully clarified that she was not condemning anyone who shares relationships online.
She was simply offering wisdom learned through experience.
Like an older sister sharing what she wishes she had known.
God’s Timing Is Not Failure
As Alex neared the end of her message, she returned to the central theme.
Being single longer than planned is not failure.
Never marrying is not failure.
Not having the life you imagined by age thirty is not failure.
The true failure would be spending years angry at God because His timeline differed from yours.
Then Alex shared one of the most humorous reflections of the entire message.
She joked that if she had married at twenty-two:
“My little hellion kids would be fully vaccinated, basically eating out of a dumpster in a Chick-fil-A parking lot. They’d be in public school, probably on ADHD meds.”
Her point was that she had much to learn.
God knew it.
God knew there was a podcast to build.
Families to help.
Political battles worth fighting.
Wisdom still needed.
Lessons about cooking.
Lessons about hospitality.
Lessons about church life.
Lessons about faithful service.
Lessons learned by watching friends raise children.
And God graciously blessed her with seven years working alongside Charlie Kirk.
Looking back, she realized something.
For years she thought God was delaying her life.
In some ways, He was.
But not because He was withholding good things.
He was preparing her.
She thought she was waiting on God.
The reality was that God was working while she was waiting.
And through that process she learned:
“Sometimes God isn’t saying no. Sometimes he’s preparing a yes that’s bigger than the one that you asked for.”
The Teddy Bear Illustration
Alex closed with a familiar illustration.
A little girl is crying because Jesus is taking away her small teddy bear.
She says:
“But Jesus, I love that one.”
Behind His back is an enormous teddy bear.
And Jesus simply says:
“Trust me.”
Her final message was powerful.
Your life does not begin when you get married.
Your life does not begin when you have children.
Your life does not begin when you finally receive the thing you’ve been praying for.
Your life begins the moment you surrender it to Christ.
If you spend your season becoming the woman God has called you to be, then whether marriage comes next year, ten years from now, or never comes at all, you have not wasted your life.
Because:
“A life fully surrendered to God is never a life on hold.”
A Surprise Ending
Then Alex revealed the one thing she had not yet told the audience.
“Which reminds me, there’s one thing I haven’t told you guys. I’m engaged.”
The room erupted.
She then introduced her fiancé:
“Everyone meet my fiancé Vance Boberg. Hi, conservatives. We are so excited to celebrate our engagement this weekend with all of you.”
Begin Your Journey Today
Jesus didn’t just call us to believe in Him—He called us to follow Him.
Step into the life He designed for you through Emmaus Road’s The Commands of Jesus. This is more than learning—it’s an invitation to walk with Him, obey Him, and experience Him in a real and powerful way.
You don’t want to miss this exciting adventure Jesus has called you into.
Start now:
https://GregLancaster.org/StartHere
Related:
Marriage Is a Covenant, Not an Identity
Marriage, Divorce & Adultery: What Jesus Actually Said
God’s Order for Marriage and Family: Learning from Biblical Authority and Submission
Marriage: For God’s Sake and for the Sake of the Children (Part 1) – The Idol of Marriage
Why Are Women So Unhappy Since They Got Everything They Asked For?